Dear N,
This morning I told you that I wanted to have a talk with you, and what I meant was that I wanted us to begin talking more. I’ve decided to write you a letter about this because whenever I ask you questions about your life outside this home, you completely shut down and shut me out. That’s not how I want our relationship to be.
It is very normal for a girl your age to want to have privacy, and to want to lead your own life without parental input. But I sense there may be things going on that would be helpful for you to discuss with me. Instead of going around feeling anxious, confused or uneasy, you could talk with me and you would feel better just getting things off your chest. Even if you want someone to simply listen to you and say nothing at all, I can be that person for you. I know that you are in new territory with changing friendships and boys and school, and I can remember what that feels like, what it’s like to be eleven years old. I was there once myself, and I know it’s not easy. There is a lot of turmoil that comes with being your age.
Of course you want to figure things out for yourself, and I want you to do that too, but there must be some way that I can offer you help along the way. As you grow older, you will only find yourself in more complicated social situations, and if you have someone who is removed from it, with more experience and perspective, someone who you can trust to look out for your best interests, you will be able to navigate your way through it all with less difficulty and stress.
I am not saying that you have to share everything with me; I’m not even saying that you have to share anything with me. I just want you to see me as your ally, and as someone who can offer you love and support and good solid advice when you need it most.
So next time you are feeling worried or confused about something, I hope that you will consider the benefits of talking it over with me. Daddy and I love you so much and we want you to be as free and lighthearted as possible at this time of your life — not weighed down with burdens.
Just remember, my sweet girl, that your family is and always will be your safe haven. We love you no matter what, and you can count on us always.
Love,
Mummy
